The One Where I Can’t Believe I Have to Say These Things

I am a mom of four young people. As a mom of these people, I have found myself saying some really bizarre things that I NEVER thought I would have to say. To anyone. At anytime. I KNOW I am not the only one who sometimes stops midsentence and thinks, “Did I just say that?” or “Do I really HAVE to say this?” But apparently there are times in this roller coaster that, yes, you must say some really crazy crap to the small people that you are raising.

Husband and I have been compiling a list of some of the most bizarre, random things that we catch ourselves saying. Thought I would share some of them with you. Either to entertain, warn, or see if you can relate. A quick reminder that we have all boys, so you know which direction most of these are headed…

1. Don’t pee on your brother.

2. No, I do not want to smell your feet, butt, penis, etc…

3. If you keep playing with it, it will stay big.

4. Yes, you do have a big penis.

5. New house rule, we must wear pants to dinner.

6. We have more than one bathroom, you do not need to “cross swords”!

7. Your hair is not a napkin…or tissue.

8. Yes, Spiderman can beat Captain America…or some version of super heroes fighting/beating one another.

9. Do not touch the dog’s penis.

10. You are not allowed to show people your wenis. We keep our pants on the whole time we are visiting friends/family, in the restaurant, etc…

11. Flush the toilet after you poop…(like every dang day this one!)

12. Don’t put your fingers in your butt…. and then smell them.

13. Yes, you have to wear your cup to baseball…I want grandkids one day.

14. Go in the house to pee, not off the deck, behind the tree, etc. We have neighbors!

15. Put your penis away. (This one A LOT)


boy peeing

I will stop there, just because it does not get better. Some days I feel like I am failing as a mother since I need to actually tell my kids these things…shouldn’t this just be kind of common sense? So please tell me that I am not alone!

What crazy things do you catch yourself saying to your kids?

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One Comment on “The One Where I Can’t Believe I Have to Say These Things

  1. NOOOO!! You are not alone! I even have to say such things to my 2 male dogs sometimes! I will stop there!!!