Posted on February 1, 2017
Last weekend, the two oldest boys had a dance at their middle school. They each took a girl. I was not weird about it at all…I swear I really wasn’t. Because for them, “going with a girl”, means they meet at the dance, dance and hang out, then leave separately. So I only even got a picture of them together because I have a friend who is a teacher and chaperones….Therefore allowing me to be very chill about it and not weird.
Tickets can only be purchased prior to the dance. After the boys asked their “dates” to the dance, I reminded them that they needed to be tickets for these lovely ladies. Which is when I was told that nobody really does that…everybody buys their own tickets. What?! Their father and I both reminded them that they are gentlemen and if they ask a girl on a “date”, they will pay for said date.
Which has me now thinking, have we prepared them enough for this next phase in their lives of dating?
I feel like we have been working toward this since they were little in small ways. Like, they have to help me carry in groceries. Or if we are all together in the car, husband gets out and pumps the gas. Or, when being tickled or rough housing, “STOP’ means stop the very first time you hear it. And when discussing their future spouses, I say “your wives..or husbands” so that they know they will be loved and accepted under any circumstances.
Here are 8 Dating Rules for my boys to learn before they actually start dating:
- Do not ask a girl out by text. A:t least the first date. If you are going to spend time on a date with a girl, you better have the courage to ask her out in person. Also, breaking up. If the relationship has run its course, have the balls to end things in person too.
- Be a gentleman. I know it is 2017 and females are independent and all, but offer her your seat. Help her carry her things. Hold the door open. Pay for your date. Not because she isn’t capable of doing these things, but because you respect her.
- Introduce yourself and shake hands with her parents. It might seem silly and insignificant, but if you can confidently (or pretend confidently) introduce yourself and shake her parents’ hand, I promise you will be starting out on the right foot.
- Tell her she’s beautiful, but….I admit it, we like to hear that we look good or that we’re beautiful. And we are. But, also tell her she’s smart. Tell her she’s funny. Tell her she did a great job in that game/ project/ whatever. We do like, maybe need, to hear that we’re beautiful, but we also want you to recognize that we are more than what we look like. And even on our bad days, you will adore us anyway.
- NO means NO and STOP means STOP. Like the first time. This one I feel like we have been beating into our kids in other contexts of course, for years. And the same holds true for them…they can say NO and STOP as well. And I didn’t think this would need to be said, but apparently it does…when the time comes when alcohol is involved, UNCONSCIOUS also means NO!
- Your date is not an object. I do not care if your date is wearing the daisiest of dukes, the miniest of minis, the tubiest of tube tops, her thong is hanging out the back of her jeans, or whatever. I don’t care if she shows up in her bra and panties (well, I actually do), she is still a PERSON. She might want you to admire her and tell you how pretty she is, but you still must somehow find a way to look her in her eyes and speak to her like the human that she is. And, regardless of what our new President says, you may not ever grab anyone by their vagina.(That’s another thing I didn’t think I had to say, but apparently it’s a thing, so making sure even though someone can be elected President upon the assault of a woman like this, it is most definitely NOT OKAY!)
- Respect her parents and their rules. Daddies LOVE their little girls and will do most anything to protect them. If her daddy tells you to have his little girl home at 10 PM, you had darned well better have her home at 10 PM. If he tells you to do something, you say “Yes, sir” and get on your way. I love you, but I will not be able to protect you from a little girl’s daddy.
- Have fun and be YOU! You are young. And you are really some of the kindest, smartest, funniest people I know (I may be a bit biased, but it’s true). Don’t be so worried about impressing a girl, if she doesn’t like you, then you’ll move on and find someone new. There is PLENTY of time to find your soul mate…it REALLY doesn’t have to be the first person you date. Nor should it be. Get to know all kinds of people with different interests and hobbies and backgrounds. Eventually, the person God created just for you will find her (or his) way into your life. I know dating can be awkward and anxiety filled. But TRY to enjoy this time of your life…you won’t ever get it back.
We are just beginning to navigate these waters, so I reserve the right to edit and/or add to this list at any time. I would also LOVE to hear some of your “Dating Rules” or suggestions to add to my list (especially if you have girls!).