The One With the Fraternity House

As I was listening to the bottles being flipped (relentlessly), the XBOX game being played, cleaning urine off of the bathroom walls (yet again), and trying to explain to my 6 year old why it would not be a good idea to tie the rope around the finial on the second floor and try to do a rope climb up it, it hit me…. I live in a fraternity house.

My husband and I met in college, where he did, in fact, live in a fraternity house, so I spent a fair amount of time there. It was completely disgusting and the boys (men?) did some pretty stupid crap- think furniture being sawed in half and tossed from windows, spraying rooms with fire extinguishers…. I could go on, but I have tried to block the images from my memory. At the time, I realized that they were living in filth and and had zero sense, but they were drinking, so I blamed the alcohol, not the fact that they were boys. I thought once they were  sober for a fairly extended length of time they might make better choices.

Then, I had kids. And not just any kids. I have 4 boys. Adolescent boys are essentially the same as drunk college guys.

A few examples:

There is a competition taking place in my house almost every minute of the day. And they can be the stupidest competitions ever. Who can burp the loudest? Who has the smelliest fart? Who can run around the house until they throw up? It  just doesn’t even make sense.

Another thing my house has in common with a fraternity house: there is a LOT of nudity. Fortunately my older boys are growing out of this one now. But back when #1 was little, he NEVER had clothes on when we were in the house. When #2 was little, I had to make a house rule that we had to at least wear underwear at the dinner table. Tell me why this has to be a rule? Number 4 can still often be found dancing naked in front of a mirror. Or spending 15 minutes of his bath just “playing with his toy” instead of actually washing himself!

Boys have some really stupid ideas too. I know I shouldn’t say that. I should encourage their creativity and blah blah blah. It’s a miracle that we have never had a broken bone or more stitches than we have had. These kids are just fearless and will try most anything and have zero concept of cause and effect. Number 2 will pogo stick over a skateboard. It’s a very cool trick, but Lord help him if he doesn’t quite make it over.

Not a great idea to climb this!

Or #4’s idea to climb a rope up to the second level with said rope tied around only a little finial. Would be a very cool party trick, but there is no way in hell that is going to hold.

Basketball anyone?

The whole house is also their playground. One evening, husband and I came home to all of our furniture pushed to the edges of the room and a mini-basketball hoop attached to the landing, because we apparently needed a basketball court more than a living room.

The dining room table has also held more than one game of beer/water, pong too.

Boys are also super disgusting! My bathroom resembles a boys locker room in appearance and odor. There is more pee on the wall and floor than actually makes it into the toilet, And for boys who have to be prodded to even brush their teeth, there are globs of toothpaste in the sink, down the cabinet, on the mirror… How does this even happen?! Fortunately, we do not have quite as much vomit as the fraternity house.

So, please do not judge me if I have my glass of wine before what society says is an acceptable hour, because I am clearly being hazed.

If you need a taste of the Greek life, or are missing your old college days, feel free to stop by the Delta Linder Agori house! A bottle of wine will get you “on the list.”


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One Comment on “The One With the Fraternity House

  1. As an only child who had 3 girls first, the initiation to “mom of boys” was shocking (some days still is) when I had twin boys, so I’m relieved to learn that the things they do are not just rogue behavior, and I think at 9, this is just the beginning of fraternity behavior. Thanks for the warning!