Posted on March 23, 2015
The One With Things to Remember When I’m a MIL
Dear Future Self,
You did it. You are getting rid of one of your boys. He has actually found someone to marry him. You no longer have to do his laundry or feed him or clean his toothpaste out of the sink! Please focus on those things, not on the fact that you are “losing” one of your babies. You are also FINALLY getting a daughter! One who will probably give you grandbabies, potentially a granddaughter! So you can finally buy pink tutus and eat breakfast in Cinderella’s castle! Here are some things I want you to remember over the next several years:
1. The wedding. This will probably be the day she has dreamt about and planned mentally for years. Do not take that away from her. This is not about you. And it is only partially about your son, as he probably doesn’t care about the details. Be supportive. Offer help. If you don’t like something, keep it to yourself. And for the love, DO NOT, criticize or CHANGE the gift registry!!
2. The house. This is not your house. Help when and where you can. But not in such a way as to make it seem as if DIL is not doing a good job. Lord knows that your house was ALWAYS a disgusting mess, so please do not act judgy. It is not necessary to say, “Well someone has to do it,” as if she would not fold the laundry, or clean the microwave, etc. It’s just hard, and unless some miracle has occurred your son is a slob! Also, DO NOT rearrange furniture, unless asked to do so.
3. The grandkids. Offer to help in any way during pregnancies. It is hard to grow a life inside of you. Bring dinner, freeze meals, take other kids away so mom can nap. After new baby arrives, ask “When can I come see the baby/ help?” “What would be most helpful for me to do?” Don’t just tell when you are coming and how long you are staying, make sure it’s convenient for the new parents.
4. The daughter in law. This is a new part of your family. Welcome her into it. She loves your son as much as you do, so for that love her. She is also now the most important woman in his life. Remember that. Honor that. Be friends with her. Be kind to her. That way you can still see your son and grandbabies:)
Try your best, future Jaime, to have a great relationship with your children’s future spouses. Be someone they know they can rely on and trust, but without overstepping boundaries. You had your chance to mess up your own kids, now it is the next generation’s turn. And think about buying those precious pink tutus!!